Over the last week and a half I've been slush diving through the Author Mentor Match submissions. I've seen some amazing things in there. Writers are seriously talented and creative people. But I also have a new understanding for agents sifting through their slush piles. When you read query after query and opening page after opening page, some common issues tend to arise. And not that these are things that can't be fixed, but they can prevent you from getting that yes I want to see more.
In the spirit of mentoring other writers, I'm going to share some things I noticed.
With respect to querying:
Queries are hard. It's so hard to take a 50-100K manuscript and boil it down to one page that not only gives the reader insight into your book but also entices them to read more.
Balance
You want to make sure you have enough information so the reader knows what is going on in your story, but not so much that they get bogged down by all the details. This can be hard to find on your own, so make sure you have people who have read your manuscript and some that haven't, read your query for clarity. In addition to balance, you want enough detail to show what makes your story unique and stand out is a crowd. How does your story about the topic differ from every other story on that topic out there? This is especially important for topics that are considered hard sells or overdone.
Capital Letter/Name/Word Soup
What
 is this? Too many names ,made up words, or terms etc. I see this more 
often in sci fi and fantasy, but it can also occur in other genres. When
 writing a query you want to focus on your main character and the 
character or thing preventing your main character from getting what they
 need. From there you may throw in one side character that helps them 
achieve their goal or an important setting but you really don't want 
much more than that. If you world has a lot of made up elements, 
sometimes it's easier just to describe the element in your query rather 
than putting the formal made up name to it. The reader can learn the 
language of your world in the manuscript itself. The more proper nouns 
in a query the more confusing it can get. So focus on your main 
character and the conflict.
STAKES
At
 the end of your query, you always always always need stakes. What is 
stakes? What happens if you main character can't face the challenge 
and/or achieve their goal. And maybe also what happens if they do? Do 
they stand to lose anything if they accomplish the goal? Stakes in your 
story is what takes the conflict from the point of oh that sucks to OMG 
this is nuts I have no idea how this character will accomplish their 
goal with those things in their face. It's what makes the reader want to
 read more and find out what will happen.
Now that I've talked a little bit about queries I want to shift gears to opening pages.
Voice
This
 is a tricky one because it's hard to see if you have it in your own 
work. But this is usually what initially draws the reader in. Finding 
your voice can be tricky, but I'm a firm believer that everyone has 
their voice in their manuscript somewhere, it's usually just hiding. The
 trick to finding your voice is going to those couple scenes that you 
had an absolute blast writing, that you found super easy, and that just 
came pouring out of you. Usually there's something super special in 
those scenes and something that really draws the reader in. See if you 
can find those scenes in your manuscript, study them, and try to 
replicate how they sound throughout your story.
Connection
Right
 after voice comes connection. The voice pulls a reader in initially, 
but if there isn't a character the reader can relate to and connect to 
right off the bat then it's hard to stick around. This is why starting 
with dialogue, weather, or lengthy descriptions can be really tricky. It
 may be interesting, but the reader doesn't have a story to follow or a 
character to latch onto. Without a something to invest in and sympathize
 with, or generate some feelings around, no one will keep reading. So 
what helps with connection? Voice of the character is one thing. But 
beyond that, help the reader understand what the character is thinking. 
It's not just about how the character is reacting to things, but also 
what is going on internally. Why are they reacting the way they are? 
What underlying things are going on that's making them maybe think one 
way and react another? That juxtaposition can make for a really dynamic,
 interesting read. 
Tension
After
 finding a connection with a character whose story you want to follow, 
you need tension to continue to pull the reader in. Sure you can give 
the reader this character they've started to find interest in, but what 
is happening to that character that keeps the reader invested? This is 
where you start to pull the conflict thread. In your opening pages you 
may not be directly linking to the main conflict yet, but find something
 that is in the way of the main character or is causing them problems or
 concern and weave in that tension. If there is a struggle or something 
at odds or a tense feeling to sympathize with then you've likely hooked 
the reader in long enough to make them want to stick around.
Less is More
This
 last one actually applies to both queries and opening pages (and 
overall stories). I saw a lot of submissions that likely in an attempt 
to be unique, threw everything and the kitchen sink at their novels. 
There was romance, and technology, and magical elements and paranormal 
elements etc and on and on. And in a query and opening pages this can 
get confusing really quickly. The reader needs to understand how 
elements build on each other and move toward the ultimate conflict. Not a
 million things that can muddy the conflict and detract from the overall
 goal. 
For the sake of an overall story, and especially in the opening pages, it's often better to reduce things down to one or two major plot elements and get rid of the rest. Why? Because then that gives you the real estate in your manuscript to dive deeper into those couple of elements and really connect the characters to them rather than throwing a lot of things at the story, not being able to explore them, and thus confusing the reader. I know it's fun to do all the things, but it's a lot more engaging to really focus on one or two and develop them fully in a unique way. Too many elements can turn a reader off. And too many elements in the query can make the reader not want to continue to your pages because they are lost in what the story should be about. And this goes back to item number 1, finding the right balance between unique elements and detail and too much that makes the story confusing.
For the sake of an overall story, and especially in the opening pages, it's often better to reduce things down to one or two major plot elements and get rid of the rest. Why? Because then that gives you the real estate in your manuscript to dive deeper into those couple of elements and really connect the characters to them rather than throwing a lot of things at the story, not being able to explore them, and thus confusing the reader. I know it's fun to do all the things, but it's a lot more engaging to really focus on one or two and develop them fully in a unique way. Too many elements can turn a reader off. And too many elements in the query can make the reader not want to continue to your pages because they are lost in what the story should be about. And this goes back to item number 1, finding the right balance between unique elements and detail and too much that makes the story confusing.
So there you have it. Common issues I saw in queries and opening pages. And now you know them too. Go forth and polish up your queries and opening pages so you can turns those no's into yes's. I know I'll be rooting for you.
 
 










