The Tasmanian Devil Ate My Writing Time

I am a stay at home dad of eight. That's right, eight children. Our newest is 3 weeks old and my wife was back to work a week after delivery. Why? She wanted to get the hell out of the house. In addition to the 3 week old, I have a 13 month old, a four year old and then lots of 'other year olds' of varying sizes, shapes and smells. The only thing they all have in common is my last name, ridiculously loud voices, and a knack for losing remote controls.

Let me give you a typical day. I wake up as if in some kind of a drunken stupor because I fell asleep in front of the computer typing. The last two pages of my WIP look a lot like this. lk;jkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkllsdk;ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssslk;;;;;;;;jnvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv,...............................sdlj;;;;;;;;;;;;;.

I wipe the drool off the keyboard and run deodorant over my tshirt to freshen that baby up and then start conducting the three ring circus. Some days, I'm throwing eggo waffles like frisbees on the quad, I'm usually answering a few last minute math questions for my daughter or poking my eyes out over some idiotic word search a teacher has given one of my children (can we stop with the word searches already?), often I'm duct taping a hole that's opened up in one of my kid's pants (I'm looking at you Jude), and usually there is a copious amount of yelling.

I get the newborn baby ready in his carseat, then pick up my 13 month old and carry both down the stairs (did I mention I don't have much cartilage left in my knees), squeeze everybody in the van and get them to school. I drive the younger three home, we eat breakfast, play, feed the baby, change a poop from the 13 month old, then get him down for a nap.  Usually, while the 13th month old naps, the newborn wakes up. I often hold him, balance a bottle between my chin and his mouth and try to get some work done at the computer.

By 11am, the 13th month old is up and we are getting ready to take the 4 year old to school. So, we eat lunch, get ready and take the little rascal to preschool at noon. Then I take the youngest two home and frankly, I don't know what the hell we do. I know I hold them alot, often at the same time. I know at some point the 13 month old gets owly but doesn't really want to sleep again. So we wrestle. We both make animal noises while we roll over on the ground together. He a 25 pound halfling and me a 250 pound gigantour.

At some point, I try to poop. In fact, I try to poop every day. You know what the 13 month likes to do? Jump into my arms when I poop. (Don't you have doors you ask? Yes I do but trust me, it's a losing battle.) And so, I have become proficient in the art of pooping while holding a human being in my arms. Good times I tell you.

At 3pm, I get the runts back in the car and go pick up the bigger runts. I take them home and start conducting the after school circus. What happens to the house after school is very similar to what happens when the Tasmanian Devil enters a forest except instead of stumps, my house is littered with toilet paper, peanut butter and jelly, and crumbs. Some days I actually think they collect crumbs at school and then deposit them in my home Great Escape style. By 4:45, I am cooking dinner and watching the clock carefully because, Holy Shit, I've only got a little more than an hour to clean the house before my wife gets home from work.

And thus the mad dash begins. Kids do chores, I clean while playing zone defense on the 2 babies and usually by 6:20 the house is starting to resemble something a human being would feel safe entering.

I could keep going but you get the picture. Now, do I share this with you to make you feel sorry for me? Big Hell No. First of all, my wife and I chose to have a big family, we wanted all of this crazy chaos. But even if we didn't, my point in all of this is...every aspiring writer out there has a crazy chaotic life. It may look different from mine, but chances are, you are pretty damn busy.

And you know what? Through all of the craziness of my day, of holding human being while I poop and strapping and unstrapping an inhuman amount of car seats...through of all this, I write. And you know what? I write a lot. It ain't always pretty, but those words are a lot prettier than they were two years ago. You see,  I'm getting better. I have my own definition of what making it as a writer will mean. And trust me, there is not a doubt in my mind that I will make it.

And my message to you? You will make it as a writer too. Will you be the next Rick Riordan or the next fill in the blank? That's the kind of stuff we can't control. But, will you become so good at your craft that you will learn how to tell entertaining stories that make people laugh and cry from page one? Will you publish good stories. Absolutely, one hundred percent, Hell yes!

You will make it because screw what life throws at you and screw how busy you are. If writing is in your bones, if its a part of who you are, then you will write. You will get better. And you will make it.

Know When To Shut The Tweet Up

I don't know what I'd do without Twitter. I love it. Plain and simple.

Maybe a slight exaggeration, but still, I do find Twitter helpful and fun. My Twitter message alert sings a cute little bird whistle, which reaffirms with each tweet, that my existence is relevant, nay, important. With every notice, I’m either favorited, retweeted, or followed. And boy does my ego love that!

 

 

But, I must remember why I got on Twitter in the first place. I wanted to learn craft, improve as a writer and meet other folks in the publishing world. But who should I follow? That's a question unique to each individual on the internet.

Before I follow anyone, I categorize them into one of the following general groups.

1.  Marketers/promoters (Not for me.)

2.  Writers (YES)

3.  Lost Ones (Some)

4.  Agents/Editors (Lots of these!)


I'm a good supporter of writers, and I try to retweet entertaining, informative or educational tidbits. And Twitter’s been super helpful with learning about contests, recent publishing related news and discovering agencies and specific agents.

Through Twitter, I’ve increased my knowledge and understanding of the publishing world, but most importantly, I've made new writer friends - most of whom are determined to improve and become published authors someday. 


 

But Twitter doesn’t help me write. It often distracts me. And I do not need any more distractions.

With seven children (two in diapers), my life already seems like a constant series of interruptions. I sure don’t need Twitter acting as that energetic friend who says, “Hey, let's go hang out. It’ll be fun!” Because, the problem is, hanging out on twitter is fun - but when I do, I don’t get any writing done.

Yes, along with its helpful potential, Twitter can be dangerous. Proceed with caution.

 

According to lots of sources, to become the writer I want to be, I've got to read and write - a lot. And I don’t think those sources are referring to reading and writing in my Twitter feed. (Although, to distill some thoughts down to 140 characters takes some skill, that’s probably not what will sell my first book.)

So, I'm afraid I'll have to battle the urge to jump on Twitter with any free time I have. If I can keep my focus on writing, Twitter becomes another tool in my arsenal for conquering the publishing world.


 

 

 

I'm sure everyone uses Twitter for different reasons, and I am a really big fan. But, I need to check myself and monitor my time on it. Since I’ve started my writing career later than most, I’m not about to let some cool new social media app hi-jack my writing potential. I want to learn all I can and write great books. I'd bet you do to.

So, I suggest that you follow these guidelines and --- uh, hang on a minute, my twitter notice just went off. I might be up to 17 followers! BRB!

MG Review : And In Their Passing, A Darkness : The Salt Machine

Title : And In Their Passing, A Darkness : The Salt Machine
Author : Jeff Smieding
Genre : MG Fantasy
Pages : 59 (first installment)
Publication Date : 2013
Website : http://jeffsmieding.com/
Twitter : @apparitionjones

When I was asked to read Jeff Smieding's (a fellow Red Sofa author) new MG serial, it was impossible for me to say no. I don't know about some of you, but I have been looking for a new MG story to reel me in for quite some time now. The only problem was that I have been looking for something different. Something that I haven't seen done over and over again. And it seems as if I just hit gold with this bad boy.

Let me warn you straight off the bat, this isn't a book, it's a serial and it's being released in monthly installments. Now, I don't know about you, but leaving me hanging at the end of each serial just leaves me crying for more. I'm not talking metaphorical tears here, folks. I'm talking legitimate, head on my desk, pounding on the table "GIVE ME MORE." type tears. Crap. Tears. I feel like someone is watching me, waiting to milk me for my tears.

SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!!!!!!

"Why not turn little Billy's tears into gold?". Get a Salt Machine.

First of all - that's just wrong. A machine that uses the tears of children and turns them into the finest grains of salt? That's some sick stuff right there. Downright disturbing if you ask me. Especially when it's your own mother looking down at you waiting for you to cry just to feed her drinking and smoking habits. If she were real, I'd give her a quick whack upside the head and ask her what the hell she was thinking.

Sounds cruel so far? It sure does, but that's exactly what I've been looking for. A darker tale and to watch children face the worst in people.

The story follows fatherless siblings, George and Vera, facing off against a wicked mother and strange forces in the forest surrounding their home. But this isn't any ordinary forest. It hides a secret and it's only when Vera disappears into the forest with a strange "boy" that George realizes its up to him to find out what really lies in its depths. I really don't want to spoil anything for you, but I can already tell you that this story is going to be taking some sharp twists and turns.

There's one particular scene where George encounters his neighbor, Mr. Brody, who tells a disturbing tale about the "powers" within the forest. I was practically on the edge of my seat on the train when I was reading this, wanting to know where the story was heading until it culminated in a shocking finale.

Both the writing style and the story remind me a lot of Neil Gaiman's children s books. It's dark. It's gloomy. And frankly it scares me sometimes. This is of course, all in a good way as the setting up of the atmosphere is done brilliantly. As for the characters, you immediately feel and care for George and Vera. Their struggles are apparent, and their feelings come out not only in the way the converse, but by the excellent way Jeff emotes them with their actions.

My only problem now, is that I have to wait for the next installment, which luckily comes out next month. Until then, I'll have to keep myself busy but it won't be long.

Oh, and one more thing. There's more to the salt, than meets the eye.

So do yourself a favor, click on the link and snag yourself a copy of AND IN THEIR PASSING, A DARKNESS : THE SALT MACHINE. You will not be disappointed.

Guest Post - How I Got My Agent by Megan Blakemore

Writers are often asked about the road to publication. The truth of the matter is that there is not one road. I wish I could give you a checklist and say, “Do these things, and you will end up with a book contract.” Unfortunately, that’s just not the way things work. That said, I think it can be helpful to hear how others tackled the process, and so I’m happy to share my story of how I wound up with my agent, Sara Crowe of Harvey Klinger Inc.

Secrets of Truth & Beauty was actually the third novel I sent of seeking representation. The first two novels were for adults, while Secrets was my first YA. I worked that novel into the best shape I possibly could. This is step one: make sure your manuscript is in the best shape possible.

Next I worked on my query letter. Summarizing a novel in about a paragraph is daunting. I mean, you spent tens of thousands of words to tell your story, and now you’re supposed to distill it to five to seven sentences? But if you don’t have a strong query letter, your manuscript won’t be read. Sara wrote a post several years ago about queries that worked for her and included mine along with those by Holly Nicole Hoxter and Varian Johnson.

So, I had a manuscript and a query letter. Now came step three, researching agents. I used Query Tracker to help me find agents who specialized in YA or children’s. This was 2007, so there weren’t quite as many back then. I also tried to find out who represented some of my favorite authors or writers of books who were similar -- but not too similar -- to mine. One of the easiest ways to do this was to call the book up on Amazon, and then do a search inside for “agent” as many of the authors thanked their agents in the acknowledgements. Now that most authors and agents have websites, you can probably find this information with some simple web searching.

From my research, I made my list of agents. With the previous two books, I created a list and then sent the query to each of them according to their specific guidelines. This time I decided I’d try a new approach. I chose five agents to start, and sent them the query. If I got a rejection, I would send out another query. That way I’d be able to gauge if my query was working or if I needed to change something.

Meanwhile, I was getting ready for my wedding. This proved to be a fortuitous coincidence. I was so busy with things like gift bags and seating arrangements that I wasn’t sitting at my computer pushing refresh, refresh, refresh. If there is anything you can do to occupy your time during the agent search, do it!

The week before the wedding, Sara emailed me and asked to talk. We had a phone conversation on Thursday. Her enthusiasm for my work was obvious. We also just clicked on the phone. Plus, since I had done my research, I knew she knew what she was doing. She offered representation and I accepted. I’ve heard since that I should have let the other agents who had the manuscript know that I had an offer. There are two reasons for this: one, if they haven’t had a chance to read your manuscript, this might push it to the top of their list, and then you might be in the position to choose between agents. However, I knew that Sara was the right agent for me. You also don’t want to waste anyone’s time. If another agent is reading your manuscript and you’ve already decided to go with someone else, you aren’t only wasting the agent’s time, but also taking time away from other writers who have submitted. I let the other agents know the following week, and they were all excited for me.

So there you have it. Sara has been my agent since the beginning, through thick and thin. She has since sold my two middle grade novels: The Water Castle and the upcoming The Spy Catchers of Maple Hill, both to Walker/Bloomsbury.

Finding an agent might seem like an impossible task. The truth is you don’t need secret passwords or magic keys. You just need three things: a polished manuscript, a strong query letter, and a plan. There are no guarantees, of course, but these provide the necessary foundation. Good luck with your search!

Outlining for Dummies. And when I say dummies, I mean me.

Okay, a show of hands of who participated in NaNoWriMo this year.

Good. Now a show of hands of who actually won NaNoWriMo this year?

If you're like so many others and started out with these grandiose plans of knocking out a 50,000 word novel in a month, but fell a little short (or halfway short... or didn't get past the title) don't worry. That's nothing to be ashamed of.

It happens to every writer.

Sometimes getting over a hurdle in your story is as easy as leaving it alone for a few days to play Assassin's Creed 4. Sometimes, though, the problem is that the story hasn't been thought about enough. Now, I'm not a huge outliner. I never have been. I know some writers who don't outline at all. They sit down and churn out a manuscript just off the top of their heads and it's awesome and bright and shiny and they don't have to change a thing because they're actually deities when it comes to writing and I'M SO PROUD OF THEM.

But I'm not one of those writers. So I have to outline a little bit. Which is what my post is about today. It's something I've written about on my own website, but I figured with NaNoWriMo having just ended and writers all over the world getting ready to start revising their manuscripts, this would be the perfect time to throw my version of an outline out into the world.

By the way, that was a long sentence. Thanks for sticking with me through that.

So here's my outlining process. It's a mish-mash of a bunch of other story structure formats that I've used in the past. Over the years, this has ended up as my personal favorite. Today I'll call it...

The Outline for Dummies. 

Mainly Me.

Hook- This isn't part of your story. This is just where you tell yourself the one-sentence plot. You'll understand why in a second.

Life as we know it- Imagine we're watching the movie version of your book. Where's this taking place? Who's the main character and why do we fall in love with him or her right off the bat. What makes the MC relatable? Why do we care about this particular person (or non-person)? During this piece of the story, we need to find out what the MC desperately 1) wants and 2) needs.

The big chance (around 10%)- Something happens to make the MC believe that he or she has found the solution to the problem. This is generally the solution the MC believes will fill the WANT, not the NEED.

Life as it is now- So now the MC's going down this different path. And there are moments where it seems to be working. The distance between the MC and the thing he or she wanted is slowly closing. This time, however, is no stranger to conflict. In fact, the closer the MC gets to that solution, the more problems it creates. So he or she decides:

Let's try this again (around 25%)- He or she decides to go a different route to get to that goal. It may include making new friends, organizing a team, learning from a mentor. Whatever it is, we'll see the MC doing some studying and training here that begins to help him or her realize the NEED. As the MC continues down this path, learning as he or she goes, we see him or her get hit with the second major roadblock where he or she is forced to ask:

Which life do I choose? (around 50%)- The MC is faced with a decision. He or she can turn back and continue on that journey that may or may not lead to getting what he or she WANTS. Or the MC can fully commit and dive into the lion's den and do what NEEDS to be done. Generally, by this point, the MC has begun to realize his or her need trumps the want or that they are actually one in the same. So now the MC lunges forward, using his or her training to continue down the path of awesomeness. This is where we'll see some pretty major conflict (external and internal) that eventually leads to the moment I like to call:

Up the creek (around 75%)- I was going to add without a paddle, but I figured you'd get the idea. This is the big "downer" moment in the story. It's when everything looks like it's all going to crap and there's no way out. A secret may get leaked, a nasty truth may be revealed, a comrade might be mortally wounded. Whatever it is, we need to see the MC down in the dumps here. Because at this point, we're rooting so hard for him or her, it's as if our cheers bring the poor little (or big) thing back up, out of the mud, onto two feet, and ready to continue on. This is the part in the movie where the music swells, weapons are drawn, wounds are patched up, because ladies and gentlemen:

It's on! (around 90%)- Our MC is back and ready to rock. New life's been breathed into his or her lungs, dragons have been slayed, robots dismantled, and the big boss is right there, ready to take the beating the MC's willing to dish out. And boy, does our MC dish like a pro.

Back to normal (ish)- Ahh--the war is over, the competition is finished, the argument has been... argued. Our MC has done the seemingly impossible and become a better person because of it. And you know what? The MC got what he or she needed. Maybe not necessarily what was wanted, but who said life is fair, right? Normal isn't the same for our MC because he or she has changed in some way (hopefully for the better). But lessons have been learned, new friends have been made, and the universe has been saved. Good times... good times.

And that's it! 

Yeah, I know it's not as easy as just sitting down and busting out 50k in an hour like those freaks of writing natures we are jealous of totally admire. But it works for me and it actually serves another purpose. That line you came up for your hook can be used as an attention-grabbing agent magnet in your query. And, even better, when it's time to write the dreaded synopsis, you can simply take the info you wrote for your outline, get rid of the plot point headings, and BAM! Your synopsis is finished. 

Now if you're one of the lucky individuals who finished NaNoWriMo and you're looking at your manuscript, wondering why none of it makes sense, try applying this formula to it (and I hate to say formula, because that implies that there is a formula to good writing) and see if you feel something needs to change. Revisions are a necessity and using your outline can help guide you through that process as well. 

And now that you're armed with an outline and the knowledge on how to use it, you can start preparing for next year's NaNoWriMo!

Or not.

Happy writing!

Know your strengths and more importantly, your weaknesses

Here’s the deal, no two people are the same. 

No two writers write the same way. Every writer has a different way of doing things. Every book has something new to tell and a unique way to do it. 

Do what’s right for you. 

But first, you have to learn what’s right for you. It takes some time to really get a firm grip on what works and what doesn’t when writing. ESPECIALLY when writing for kids. Take some time to assess yourself. What is your favorite part about writing? Is it plotting, strategically placing events so that they make the biggest impact on a story? Is it your characters and their emotional depth? Creating an entirely new world? That’s probably what you’re the best at. The things you love, love, love doing. That’s what comes naturally to you.

But what’s equally important, is what you’re not-so-great at. What do you struggle with? This doesn’t often coincide with what you hate doing, so you’ll have to dig a bit deeper to find it. You might even need other people to tell you (you’ll forgive them eventually)

It really doesn’t matter what it is, because like I said above, everyone is different. As long as YOU know what you’re good at and what you need to work on.

Example, I’ve realized recently that plotting is not my strongest aspect as a writer. I love concepts. Ideas are totally my thing. I love emotion, and have found I do a pretty good job at expressing it through my writing and occasionally through my character’s voice.

But setting up a story, with events that pull you along and won’t let you go, well, that’s something I’m not so naturally good at, it seems.

I’m working on my fourth  novel and through my ups and downs and epic trials of my first three,  I’ve learned a few things about plotting.  

I suck at it

Okay, not really. But I could definitely let myself think that if I wanted. The notes I get back from agents and editors often seem to have to do with the story line. So clearly, I suck… right?

Wrong. It’s just something I need to work on.

So learn what you’re good at, and what you’re not.

Think about it. What are you good at?

Because the things you’re good at are the things you want to put an emphasis on when approaching an industry professional. No, not by TELLING them you’re good at it, but by showing them (the old show don’t tell thing again, I know).  Find a way to SHOW them the things you’re good at as early as the query. Show them the amazing character arc in the query. Show them your incredible writing style right away. Show them the character that jumps off the page and bear hugs you until you love them.  Whatever it is that you are best at, that’s what you need to show RIGHT AWAY.

And study the things you aren’t good at and learn how to make them better. Think about those things before you start writing. “Conflict, conflict, what’s the conflict!?” “Does this scene build on the one before it? What’s going to come next and why does it matter?” Those are things I personally need to think about. I might even start filling out a beat sheet for my novels, before, after, or during the actual writing. Whatever I need to do to make sure I limit my flaws.

Be totally and completely honest with yourself. What are you not-so naturally talented in? How can you work to make that better?

Put your best foot forward and do your best to make sure your other foot doesn’t lag behind you.

Have Fun With the Story

Middle grade, in most cases, is all about fun. So it seems silly to say, but I think one of the trickiest things about writing middle grade is learning how to have fun with the story. In a lot of ways, as an adult we've forgotten what it's like to be a kid and how to just let loose. We are expected day in and day out to be mature upstanding citizens - to act like adults, so we do (most of the time). But in a way we need to reprogram how we think when writing middle grade. We have to channel that child from all those years prior. For some it's easier than others, but there are things you can do to harness that inner middle grade child.

Let Go

The first thing you have to do is let go of everything you think you know. The adult sense of right and wrong is very different from a child's. Where adults see complex issues children often see things as more of this or that, right or wrong. A one or the other type of situation. In the same respect, where adults see ordinary objects, children see numerous possibilities that often seem downright silly to an adult. As adults we often lose our sense of imagination in favor of a more complex world view. We ignore the trivial things in life like everyday objects and focus on life's issues and relationships. But for kids even everyday objects can be fun and have purpose beyond their intended use. This is what you have to channel as a middle grade writer. That sense of carefree imagination where nothing is too out there.

Find the silly
What’s the silliest, most ridiculous thing that could happen at that very moment in the story? Good, now make it happen. Even if it doesn't fit with the story, it's a good exercise in opening up your brain and revisiting those childhood years. Kids often see things beyond what is actually there. So use that to your advantage as a writer.

 Perfect the dialogue

What's the most ridiculous thing a kid could say? Kids often interpret things differently than adults. This is why they respond in different and often unexpected ways. Their wiring is quite unique from adults. Things are often matter of fact and don't always go very deep beneath the surface like adults. Kids often say what they mean. That's not to say they don't have an understanding of complex situations. They often even surprise adults in how well they comprehend difficult things. But think about the kids you see on shows like 'kids say the darndest things', or the silly posts people write about their kids on Facebook or twitter. That in essence is the basis for middle grade conversation and interaction. Study those posts and how kids perceive certain situations. It can help you not only understand how kids speak, but also how they view the world. 

Watch and learn 

Observe. When you are out in public, pay attention to how kids interact with other adults, kids, and their surroundings. Listen to how they speak. A lot of times kid interactions seem ordinary but if you watch for long enough (don't be a creeper) you'll start to pick up on unique personality traits and world views. Each kid has a unique interpretation and approach to life. Try to channel that into your characters and have fun with them.

Read

What better way to get into touch with the mind of a middle grade reader than to read things that middle grade readers enjoy. Find the popular middle grade books and read them. Study the language, dialogue, plot, pacing, flow, and character development. Get a feel for what makes it different from other age groups and then apply it to your own writing.

Ask
Lastly, if you aren't sure, ask. Find a parent, teacher, librarian, writer with good middle grade voice, or do some research. If something feels off in your writing, it probably is. You don't have to have a kid read your work to find that middle grade voice. But have someone else who knows the age group well take a look for authenticity. Do realize that middle grade voice can be highly subjective but if multiple people are telling you the same thing it's probably time to re-evaluate.

But above all, don't forget to have fun with the story. Nothing is too silly or out there. And even if it is, you can always reel it back in. So don’t be afraid to go over the top. Middle grade at its heart is for kids, so find that childhood version of you that's been locked inside for so long and let him or her out. You might find you enjoy it!

What do you do to channel middle grade storytelling and how do you insert fun into it?