Dialogue It Out

When I get stuck during a scene I'm writing, it's usually in description or narration. And too many times I feel the need to force words (like during Nanowrimo, which I'm not doing this year) and end up with crap that needs cut or heavily revised. But then the voices get going inside my head, and I "dialogue it out".

That means exactly what it sounds like. I speed type (or write by hand) whatever I think is going on with the characters. Actually, I don't even try to think about it. I just try to be the characters and say what they want to say. Skipping dialogue tags, punctuation and quotation marks helps get me through quicker. Later on is the time for revision.

I do this dialogue it out trick at home, too, with my family. For example, I might say "Did you pick up those socks yet?" to which I'll be rewarded with some variation of ignorance or dismissive head nod or shake.

Then I kick in my dialogue trick and all of a sudden I hear "Yes, dear father. I picked up the socks, and the dirty underwear and put them in the pile of dirty laundry. Then, since I love you so much and really want to help out around the house, I called all the other kids together and we started washing a load of laundry, and then, we moved the clean clothes out of the dryer to sort and fold for you. So why don't you sit down at your desk with your computer and iPod and work on your new book while we take care of the laundry?"

So I sit down to write, and soon, another roadblock appears. "Hey, you guys, baby smells poopy. Can someone change her?" -crickets-

Time for the old dialogue trick- I squeeze my eyes closed, and soon everyone comes running to the rescue.

"Dad, we heard you call and came as fast as we could. I figured it was my turn, but everyone started arguing over who would change baby's diaper for you, so guess what? We are all going to help by not only changing her diaper, but by giving her a bath and taking turns reading to each other while she's in the bathroom. Will that be okay?"

I smile and nod, diving back into my work. Then, wouldn't you know it, time for supper.

"Hey!" I call. "Can someone get out the peanut butter and jelly?"

I wait, then call again, hoping. "Anyone hungry?"

Closing my eyes, I finally hear "Dad, please don't interrupt us while we are eating. We are playing the quiet game and want you to work on your book. Really. And besides, we already made supper after we gave the baby a bath. Oh, yeah, almost forgot - there will be leftover bacon, pancakes, and coffee for you when you need a break from writing. And just in case you forgot to post on your blog or whatever and need to stay up late again, we'll go ahead and put ourselves, and the baby, and the toddler to bed. We'll brush our teeth and go to the bathroom and pray without your help tonight, too. So, you just go ahead and work on your writing stuff. Okay? Goodnight, Dad. See you in the morning, with more hot coffee and fresh bacon and eggs!"

Dang, my kids are awesome. Seriously. And so are you.

Practice Subtext In Your Dialogue

In Rainbow Rowell's novel Fangirl there is a discussion about writing when one of the characters uses the great phrase "piling up words". The idea being that sometimes when writing, you just have to pile up enough words for the magic to start happening.

There's a lot of truth to this. The people who tell us to write every day, to hit a certain minimum words count and to write your first drafts fast are giving similar advice from a place of wisdom. Generally speaking, the best way to learn how to write is to write...alot. To "pile up the words" so to speak.

I played college football and coached high school football and the analogy certainly applies to sports. The best possible way to learn how to play a sport is to play that sport as much as possible. To pile up the minutes so to speak.

But....

There comes a point at which piling up words and minutes isn't quite enough. There comes the point at which we need to practice.

When I was a junior in high school, I played defensive end and every day us defensive ends would spend part of the day practicing the same exact drill. We would line up opposite a tight end and a few yards down the line from the tight end was an offensive lineman. At the whistle, the tight end would down block and our job was to hit the tight end as hard as possible with our hands then step down the line with him towards the center. At the same time, the offensive lineman would pull and try to kick us defensive ends out and our job was to get low and take on the offensive lineman without giving any ground.

As a defensive end, this drill was incredibly counter intuitive. Why? Because defensive ends are always told to make sure nobody gets outside of you. "Don't break contain" I've heard coaches yell about a zillion times. Yet, here we were in a drill practicing stepping closer to the center thereby in a way, making it easier to get around the edge. The instinct of the newbie defensive end is that this feels wrong because you are making it easier for people to run around you.

The coaches explained the purpose of the drill but it never really clicked like in a true muscle memory sort of a way until the semi finals of the playoffs that year. We played a team that was committed to running the counter trap. And over and over again they had a tight end who would down block followed by an offensive lineman who would pull and try to kick me out. And each time he came I got nervous. I felt like if I closed the gap any further, I would make it easy for someone to run around the edge. And so, instead of taking him on low I would instinctively do what felt natural. I would step to the outside to protect my edge. And you know what happened each time? My stepping outside made it super easy for the lineman to kick me out, thus creating an enormous off tackle hole for the running back.

Needless to say, I got an earful in the film session after that game and I learned a powerful lesson. Usually, the things we need to practice are the things that DO NOT COME NATURALLY. Our job is to practice them until they become instinct.

One of the things that I naturally do when writing dialogue is write what pros in the screenwriting business call "on the nose" dialogue. And just so you know, "on the nose" dialogue is not a good thing.

On the nose dialogue is basically when a character says exactly what you think they should say in that situation. For instance.

Bob: Hey Chuck, how are you doing today?

Chuck: I suck Bob, how are you.

Bob: I kind of suck as well Chuck. I have a boring marriage, boring job. At least I'm in good health.

Chuck: I'm not in good health, I have a decent marriage but my job is boring as well.

That's one example. To find many more, look through your own writing, look for examples of dialogue where a character is expressing themselves precisely through their speech.

Instead of "on the nose" dialogue, what us newer writers need to do is practice dialogue with "subtext". Plenty of definitions by people smarter than I abound for "subtext" so I'll just put it in my own words. Dialogue that has subtext is dialogue that does not tell you exactly what the character is thinking or feeling. Rather, dialogue with subtext is dialogue that in some way hides or obfuscates what the character is thinking or feeling.

Why would the writer do this? Simple. To make the story more interesting. Readers don't want to be told exactly what is going on all the time. They want their brains to be actively involved, processing details, creating meaning of their own. Here's an example.

Bob: Hey Chuck, how you doing?

Chuck: Three days into the season and the Royals are already 3 games out of first place. You?

Bob:  There's been 2 world wars, a cold war, the internet, and twerking since my team won.

Chuck: You're a damn cubs fan?

Bob: Least I'm not dead.


Okay, this isn't Elmore Leonard dialogue, but hopefully you see the point. And the thing is, if you practice adding subtext to your dialogue I guarantee it's something that will add layers of interest to your fiction. My advice? Go through your manuscript and make an editing pass just for the purpose of looking at your dialogue. Find dialogue that's too "on the nose" and instead try to replace it with subtext.

Yes, piling up words is good but when we can find a concrete thing to practice, then our piled up words will inevitably get better faster. Best of luck!

Say What?

Dialogue can be one of the trickiest parts of writing. So when Matt de la Peña, YA/MG author of Mexican White Boy, the upcoming The Living, and Curse of the Ancients, the fourth Infinity Ring book, gave a session on dialogue at the Missouri SCBWI conference, I jumped at the chance to attend. Matt said one of the most profound things I'd ever heard on the topic. 

"Dialogue isn’t just what’s inside the quotations marks but also what’s around it." 

Just think about that for a minute. It’s not just what the characters say, but how they say it, how it’s blocked out in the text, and even how the setting can contribute to the conversation.

And now that I have everyone’s brains churning, I’m going to share the wonderful advice I learned during Matt’s session.

Step 1: Get out of the reader's way:

This is more commonly referred to as author intrusion. The writer tends to creep into the text more when it comes to dialogue. But it is the writer’s job to fade into the background and let the character do the work. The dialogue should represent your character while the tag is the writer. So let the character’s words speak for themselves as much as possible.

Step 2: Understand reader psychology:

Readers like white space. They start skimming or skip over text entirely when they see large walls of it. But when a page with a lot of breaks or white space comes along the reader pauses and may start reading again. This is where dialogue comes in. It creates white space on the page. It’s inviting.

Step 3: Decide how much your characters are going to say:

Writing a novel is knowing when to speed up and when to slow down. Elmore Leonard said, “Get to the good stuff.” So there will be times when you want an entire conversation to play out. There will be other times you want to summarize conversations so you can “get to the good stuff”. Not every conversation can be in your book nor should it be. So when in doubt, start your scene late and end the scene early. Cut out the boring stuff and leave the reader intrigued but not confused.

Step 4: Make your dialogue tags as useful as possible:

As stated before, it’s not just what’s inside the quotation marks that’s important. Don’t just tack on tags to your dialogue haphazardly. A few examples to illustrate the different placement of tags:

1.      “I like the way you look,” he said. This example is just matter of fact. We know who spoke and what they said.

2.      “I like the way you look,” he said, “especially when you smile.” This example creates a very different rhythm to the words that are spoken. Using he said in the middle of the dialogue creates a natural pause for the character without having to say “he paused”.

3.      “I like the way you look,” he said admiringly. Here an adverb was added to explain how the character spoke. But if you use adverbs, make sure they are really necessary. Ask yourself if it’s clear from the dialogue the way the words were spoken. If so, then ditch the adverb.

4.      “I like the way you look,” he murmured. Using an alternative dialogue tag can help express volume or how someone said something. In this case since the sentence is murmured, maybe the speaker is shy or afraid to say it so they aren’t speaking up. Alternative dialogue tags can be useful from time to time but if abused, they can annoy the reader because they become noticeable.

5.      He took her hand. “I like the way you look.” Here is an action tag with the dialogue. Using the action adds to the scene and it eliminates the need for a formal “said” tag. We know who is speaking based on the action performed.

6.      “I like the way you look.” This has no tag at all. Typically when there are only two people in the conversation and it’s back and forth, the reader can tell who is talking without needing a tag.

Once you’ve figured out your tags, read your dialogue out loud to get a good sense of how it feels and how it flows. Do you like the way it sounds? If not, adjust accordingly.

Step 5: Know your characters:

Dialogue should be natural and focused, but every character will speak differently. Are there certain words one character likes to use? Do they have an accent or dialect? Do they have verbal ticks or quirks? Are they sarcastic or serious? All these can help differentiate one character from another when they are speaking. If you distinguish your characters well enough, you shouldn’t need dialogue tags at all. The reader should be able to tell who is speaking based on what they say and how they say it.

Step 6: Check for authenticity:

Dialogue should be artful. It should also carry the scene forward. If you use too many beats it might make the conversation sound mechanical. Conversely, if the characters talk in circles the scene will never go anywhere. Think about the context of your story and the characters in the moment of the conversation. Their actions and words will vary in different situations. Real conversations are far from clean. People talk over each other and interrupt. Your conversations in the text should reflect that. Conversations in writing don’t have to be perfect, because they aren’t in real life.

Some additional tips:

• Often people don’t name the thing they are trying to say especially if they are scared or keeping a secret. They will dance around the topic rather than getting to the point.
• People sometimes speak to each other but don’t really listen. This kind of conversation feels disjointed because the people involved aren’t addressing each other directly.
• Don’t have a conversation “bitch”. The other person will want to talk about things outside of what’s happening to your main character.
• Don’t overload with exposition. It’s fake and lazy. Maintain the integrity of your characters.
• What your character thinks internally doesn’t always match what they are saying. People are afraid to say things, so their words may come out meaner or some other way than intended. Representing the internal vs external is more human. But if the internal response is expected, you might consider leaving that out.
• If you take a risk, make the things around it easy. Don’t over complicate everything.

When in doubt listen to the way people speak. Really listen. Are they talking to each other or at each other? It can make a difference. Dialogue doesn’t have to be a giant headache inducing part of your manuscript. It can help the flow and add layers to your story. So get out there and get those characters talking!

 

LAL - Loud and Absurd Leaders

In mid-July, our deacon, another parent and I, took eleven boys from our church on a field trip to Denver to take in some sights. I was merely a driver and didn't know very many of these boys' names. The other adult sponsor rode with the deacon and four of the boys while I started the trip with the remaining seven. The first hour of the trip with these boys, ages ten to fourteen, was a middle grade writer's gold mine. It was quite the study of the middle grade boy mentality, to be sure.

There was the youngest, my son, reading his book in the back seat by himself. There were two other ten-year-olds, both quiet but one intent on every word the older kids spoke while the other was oblivious to everything inside the van - lost in his own world, daydreaming out the window. Two twelve-year-olds dominated the conversation, and two more boys, thirteen and fourteen, were busy being entertained by the others (usually correcting them.)

I found it funny that a few of them would often speak so authoritatively about things which they clearly knew nothing about. And the loudest two boys, the twelve-year-olds, dominated the conversations with ridiculous theories and anecdotes. You see, middle grade boys may not know the definition of cliche', but they understand that knowledge means power. And if you talk loudly enough, and with enough conviction, others will believe you (whether you know what you are talking about or not.) Or at least they won't argue with you.

At one point "Little Professor" said to the kids around him, "Yeah, if you see a guy wearing tight jeans and sandals, he's gay." This was better than eighties music, so I turned down XM to listen to LP and his buddies share more of their knowledge and wisdom. After learning that one kids' cousin knew Beyonce' and that another kid could drink four, two liter bottles of root beer in a day, and they all knew the lyrics to a certain Taylor Swift song, I wanted to change the pace.

Intrigued by this know-it-all attitude prevalent among some of my passengers, I decided to try a little experiment. During a rare lull in their banter, I pointed out my window and yelled "Hey, look! Is that a coyote out there?" The two loudest boys in my group looked in the direction I pointed and confirmed that, yes, indeed there was a coyote there. In fact, it had just killed a rabbit and was probably on its way back to the den to throw up into the baby coyotes' mouths. The other four desperately searched the hills for the coyote, but sadly, they couldn't see it. (My son didn't look up from his book.) When I said, "Oh never mind, I guess that's just a rock," the know-it-alls assured the rest of us that they did, actually see a coyote. But they got a little quieter.

At the end of the day when we stopped for supper, I witnessed LP and an older boy get into a scuffle. Apparently the older boy called LP gay. This was not the first time that a couple boys had used that term and other slurs as they joked and played, but I'd had enough. Luckily, before my hothead took over, the parent sponsor pulled the boys aside and lectured them on respect and proper use of the word gay. He did a nice job emphasizing that everyone deserves respect and explained that the derogatory use of words can help no one.

As we finished our drive home, the boys in my van continued their zany interactions with a noticeable difference. They dropped the slurs from their vocabulary. But what lingered with me was the fact that among their peers, using the word gay to describe something, someone, or to insult, was perfectly acceptable.

When I think of applying what I learned on the trip to writing for middle grades, I will bear in mind the language my seven passengers used on that trip. I will choose each word carefully as I write realistic dialogue and I will pay more attention to how this plays out in the books I read. What do you think? (Oh, by the way, is that a coyote over there?)