Most Common Query Flaws I See as a Pitch Wars Mentor

If you don’t know what Pitch Wars is, you probably should! It’s a contest that hooks querying authors up with established authors and editors to help their books become “publishing” ready. Read more about it here: http://www.brenda-drake.com/2017/06/pitch-wars-2017-details/

My job? First, I get emailed a bunch of submissions from people who are interested in me as mentor. They come in very much like a query to an agent. Query, and first chapter. I read through all my submissions and am allowed to choose ONE to mentor. The amount of submissions vary year to year, category to category and mentor to mentor but so far I’ve averaged around 80 submissions. That’s 80 query and chapters to read through in a couple weeks, and that’s not including the full manuscripts I’ll request. And honestly? The hardest part is choosing only one.

No, not kidding. I’m convinced that the quality that comes in through Pitch Wars is higher than the average slush pile (not that I can compare, I’ve never peeked inside and agents inbox but I’ve heard stories!)

So how can you stack the deck? How do you make sure your query is on my list of "Yesses!"? How I pick my "THE ONE!" is honestly pretty personal, just whichever story I connect with for whatever reason. But you can do a lot of things to make sure you're at least one of the stories I agonize over not picking. So here are some of the most common issues I see in my submissions. You may noticed they go a bit beyond the basics, because, like I said, the qaulity in Pitch Wars is pretty high!

1) Confusing query

Some books are easier to pitch than others, that’s a simple truth. I’ve written books nearly impossible to write a great query for and others that just flow from my little typing fingers like honey. To you, as the author, it all makes sense. You know this story in and out—but I don’t. Sometimes it’s really hard to take a step back and look at it through fresh eyes to see the gaps in logic. It probably makes perfect sense in the book, but in this tiny one page summary… it doesn’t. The solution? Other people need to read your query and not just your critique partners. You need fresh eyes, someone who knows nothing about your book (also, preferably other writers. Non-writers just don’t quite understand what is expected out of a query) that can point out places they get confused. 

2) The story is missing the “why?”

 I’ve noticed this a lot, I remember tweeting about it as I read my submissions last year. Most of you understand that you need “stakes” in your query, but stakes aren’t quite so powerful if we don’t understand why _______will happen if your character doesn’t ______. How does it connect? One big one is, why YOUR CHARACTER needs to be the one to do it. What are his personal stakes in this? Why was he chosen? Why not someone else? If there are 100 people out also trying to save the world, well, if your character fails, someone else may succeed. That sucks out the tension.

3) Confusing first pages

One part of this are pages that don’t fit the query. This can get tricky with multiple POV books but if your query hooked me, I want to start reading that story, not a different one. Make sure they feel connected. Another part is trying too hard to hook with high intensity but not grounding the reader. It’s VERY important that we understand the surroundings, characters and their immediate goals right away. 

4) Overlooking character

Plot vs Character is an old debate and personally, I’m hooked by great ideas. I love concepts. What ifs. Something new and exciting! But if I don’t care about the people involved in those great ideas? It’s all for not. I won’t keep reading. Personally, I don’t think plot and character should be fighting each other, they should be working together. You need BOTH. Personal stakes are just as important as external stakes. 

5) Pages that require the query to make sense

Something is stated in the query then it’s just assumed we’ll know that in the pages. Your pages must stand alone. Don’t look at them like a pair, look at them individually. Will my pages hook a reader if they haven’t read the query? Will my query hook a reader without knowing anything about the story? The story is the important part, the query is just a tool used to convince people to read your story.

6) Not showing us what’s special

This is honestly the number one reason a query goes in my no folder. There have been millions of books published. There are thousands upon thousands of books being queried right now. If your book doesn’t stand out, if you don’t show me something, anything new, for me to latch onto, it’ll get buried alive. It won’t stand out on a book shelf, the same way it won’t stand out in the slush pile. Often, we find trends in our queries. Not publishing trends, just things that for whatever reason, several people decided to write at once. You’ll hear mentors talking about these, “A lot of red heads in my queries this year.” “Wow, that’s the fourth friendly ghost story I’ve seen so far”. Those things don’t mean the kiss of death. One of those friendly ghost stories might be AWESOME because it has something super unique about it that the others don’t. It might be an *amazing* voice or writing style that flows with the story (my very first mentee was like that. About a girl who sees a boy’s spirit. Not overly unique. But her setting and voice and atmosphere was THROUGH THE ROOF and I couldn’t get it out of my head). But not everyone has that kind of writing style (I don’t) so you find another way. A twist, a unique setting, an unexpected tone. 

So think about this, just assume, for arguments sake, that there are several other books being entered into Pitch Wars with a similar story as yours. How will yours stand out? You wrote a mystery with a whodunit, why will I choose yours over the other 5? You wrote a romance. Why is yours the one I’ll remember over the others? No, you don’t need to add in Cyclopes clowns to make me remember you. Make it something real. Something engaging. Something that gets my mind spinning through the possibilities. What will engage and hook one mentor will be different for another, so don’t worry about that. Not everyone will love your work. Just make sure, somehow, it stands out. Show me what is special about your story. Show me how your future publisher will market you. 



If you can stand out, explain the story in a way I can understand, include compelling emotions in your characters,  with decent writing and it all fits into my wishlist, you'll very likely find yourself in my (much too long, I'm sure) want pile!

This year, I'm mentoring YA with the lovely Rebecca Sky, you can find out more about the submissions we're hoping to receive here: http://www.rebeccasky.com/gallery.php

Good luck Pitch Warriors!

Empty Phrases

Often when we write a query, we want to be clever. We want to be mysterious. We want to entice the reader with things that keep them guessing. And these are all great things to strive for. However, sometimes in a query we write a phrase that sounds great to us, but it leaves the reader confused and with little information. For instance, what does mostly dead mean anyways?

These phrases that are vague and confusing are called empty phrases. Because they are exactly that—empty, devoid of important information that would help the reader become interested in your story. And there are many reasons to avoid empty phrases.

They Waste Space

When you write a query letter you only have a couple paragraphs to clearly explain your story. When you use an empty phrase it tells the reader nothing. Even worse, you could have spent that valuable query letter real estate actually explaining what changed, the big secret, the difficult obstacle, or what was bad enough. Explain your story.

It’s Telling not Showing

Empty phrases tell the reader how they are supposed to feel and react rather than giving them an example of what happens and letting those feelings happen organically. Instead of making a point clear, they just leave the reader wondering and confused about the specifics.

They Don’t Have Details 

When you write empty phrases you often think you are being a little mysterious about the plot, and are therefore exciting or enticing the reader. The problem is you are doing the opposite. Empty phrases are vague and tend to turn off the reader. You are better off using specific details to set your story apart from everyone else. If your story doesn’t sound unique, a reader is going to give up.

They’re cliché

Empty phrases tend to be commonplace and overused statements. They aren’t overly creative. And why would you want your story to sound like everyone else’s? Make your story stand out.

So how do you get rid of empty phrases in your story? 

 

Okay not really. Sure empty phrases are hugely disappointing for a reader, but don’t lose hope. There are many ways to eliminate them. You start by going back to the details and focusing on what sets your story apart. You show the reader instead of telling.

Here are some examples of empty phrases, and what you might do to replace them with better story related information.

He soon learns: Rather than waste space, just show the reader what happens. What the character “learns” should come through in the story, not be forced down the readers throat. Stick to what actually happens and what “he learns” will become apparent on its own.

With nothing holding her back: If there’s nothing holding her back, where’s the story? Show the conflict and the problem the character is facing. Let the reader see the dilemma. Then you’ll have something that will entice readers.

However, fate has other plans: Well that’s great for fate, but what happened to the character? Tell the reader the details and leave fate out of it!

As if that wasn’t bad enough: If you’ve done your job right in a query letter, you won’t need to say this at all. It will be obvious the situation is bad. And as you continue to walk the reader through the conflict, you will show how things are about to get worse.

Life is turned upside down: Literally? Well that’s sort of crazy… Okay, I’m sure you don’t mean literally, but what happened to the main character? What horrible thing made life so unbearable? Give the reader details, then you’ll have something compelling.

Encountering multiple obstacles: Well, every main character encounters obstacles, but what specifically does your character have to deal with? Someone literally blocking your path is very different than dealing with death, or the fact that you have detention and you can’t go to that awesome concert. Those are all very different stories. So think about what specific thing is standing in the way of what your character wants and then use that detail to show the reader the problem.

A horrible secret: We all have secrets. But the drama and tension begins when we know someone else is hiding something from us. And while we may not know what the secret is exactly, we all have ideas on what those secrets might pertain to. So when you go into the details, the secrets start carrying weight. Only then are they truly interesting.

And then everything changed: Really? Stuff changes all the time. The leaves change colors, the weather changes, we change clothes, we change jobs, classes, you name it. What changed for your main character? Just say it, don’t waste the reader’s time saying everything changed because it’s probably unlikely that everything is different. Some things will always stay the same.

 

Yes, yes, you do! So when you write a query, show that you are smart. Show the details of your story. Show what sets it apart. And use that valuable space to make that query shine with specific, interesting details! What empty phrases have you or others used, and how did you get rid of them?

Where are the Stakes?

No, not those kind of steaks, but they do look delicious. And no, I don't mean the vampire kind of stakes either. I'm talking about your story's stakes.

Over the last couple of weeks, I've done a fair amount of critiquing for Pitch Wars and Write on Con and the one thing I saw missing most often from queries were the stakes of the story. And here’s the thing, while it was one of the most common things left out, it’s probably one of the most important parts of a query or pitch.

So what do we mean when we say we want to know what the stakes of the story are?

In general stakes means answering one or more of the following questions:

What happens if your main character fails?

What is keeping your main character from succeeding?

Will something bad happen if they do succeed?

In more specific terms your answer to those questions shouldn't be something like saving the world, or death of your main character. Cause let's face it, the world almost always gets saved and your MC almost always lives. Those stakes aren't very exciting are they?

So really dig into your main character and think about what their deepest desires are in the story. What are they really trying to accomplish? And if they fail, how personal can you make the punishment? Is their family in harm’s way? Are they going to lose a best friend? A lover? An arm? Something else? Get creative here.

While certain death or the end of the world really sucks, they are pretty common catastrophes in books. If you really want the reader to connect and care about your character give them stakes that are super close to your main character's heart. When you break your main character's heart, you break the reader's heart too. And that's a character your reader will follow anywhere. So dig deep into your story and find those stakes.

Well close enough! What's at stake in your story?

 

Whitley Abell of Inklings Literary Agency gets Middle Grade Minded

Middle Grade Minded is pleased to host literary agent Whitley Abell of Inklings Literary Agency on the blog today.

Whitley Abell joined Inklings Literary Agency in 2013. Before joining Inklings, she completed successful internships with Carol Mann Agency and P.S. Literary Agency. She is based in St. Louis, MO, where she daylights as a production manager for several medical and S & T journals. She graduated in 2011 BA in English and Creative Writing, and again in 2012 with a MAT in Secondary English Education, which basically means she can tell you anything there is to know about feminist literary theory and the Common Core Standards.

Whitley was kind enough to answer some questions about querying and specifically querying middle grade. 

1.) What do you look for in a submission? 

In general, I'm looking for something that I can get excited about and something I can picture the audience for. In terms of middle grade specifically, I look for either a fun concept or an interesting twist or something I can easily relate to the Common Core Standards, characters that resonate with my inner child and the characters I loved growing up, and writing that feels authentic (bonus if the voice and personality can make me laugh). I also really look for authentic emotions; looking back at my middle grade years, this was when I really started getting connected to the characters, caring about them as though they were friends and worrying about their well-being while reading. This was also when, in the case of books like Number the Stars, I discovered the power of the cathartic cry fest that comes with reading.

2.) What things do you think define Middle Grade and set it apart from the other age groups?

Middle grade has the widest spread in terms of targeted age groups. Despite common belief, Middle Grade is not synonymous with middle school. It's not just the "tween" market (that's "upper MG"). Middle grade is where the morality line really begins to blur. There’s more grey area between right and wrong in MG than in children's chapter books…especially in upper MG. Protagonists are much more subversive and the adults are no longer portrayed as perfect pillars of society. Think of Harry Potter; if it were a chapter book instead of MG, more lessons in discipline would be learned… breaking the rules certainly wouldn't save the day and be rewarded in the end. And MG is the growing middle ground doing everything you're told and gaining the sense independence and autonomy found as a teenager. Also, there is a general lack of romantic plot line that is so prelevant in YA. Little crushes are one thing, but it's like the first season of Lizzie McGuire vs The Lizzie McGuire Movie. Or Ron's awkward crush on Fleur Delacour (MG) vs his snog-fest filled relationship with Lavender Brown (YA).

3.) We frequently hear that Middle Grade voice is difficult to get right. Why do you think it's so tough to get Middle Grade voice right? And what can a writer do to help nail down their Middle Grade voice?

Middle grade—especially upper MG—is so difficult in voice because the readers are at a point where they can tell when they're being talked down to, and they know when they're being told a story to teach them a lesson (and they don't like it!). But as authors and as grow-ups, it is so easy to still view them as children. Authors can't write to MGers, they have to write as MGers. And that's hard, because it's not as easy to slip into the 8-12 year old mindset as it is your teenage mind. If you're the type to think "well, when I was a kid…" or roll your eyes at the antics of Luke on Modern Family, then MG is probably not the right market for you. It's so, so easy to come out feeling forced. The best thing a writer can do is read as much MG fiction as they can and, if possible, connect with an actual MG reader. I have a little brother who just turned 13 and in the past few years, he has really helped keep me grounded and aware of just how middle grade readers think and act and speak.

4.) What are the most common mistakes you see in submissions?

Reading the market wrong: I see book pitched as lower MG that are really still chapter books, and upper MG pitched as YA (and vice versa).

MG Redo: I see a lot of pitches that are a MG version of a YA bestseller. Trust me, if it's a best seller in YA, then the upper MG readers have already read it. We don't need a MG version of the Hunger Games.

A glaring mismatch between the age of the protagonist and the intended reader: A 12 year old doesn't want to read about a 6 year old or a 60 year old, they want to read about someone in the same general age group. And actually, a 12 year old would prefer to read about a 14 year old, and a 10 year old about a 12 year old, and so on.

Word count: I see so many upper middle grade pitches come in with books that are 20,000-25,000 words, which is too short. Though nothing is definitive, lower MG should stick around 20,000-35,000, while upper MG is around 40,000-70,000.

Overreaching comparative titles or trying too hard to emulate the best sellers (ex: Diary of a Wimpy Kid).  I hate to break it to you, but comparing your writing to Percy Jackson or Harry Potter isn't a selling point. It's OK to say that it would appeal to fans of…, but really, everyone is a fan of Harry Potter, so we'll need a lesser known title as well.

 5.) Aside from lack of interest in the premise, what makes you stop reading a submission?

The story feeling too young to MG readers (I prefer upper MG, mainly). The writing feeling  forced, didactic, or much too young. The thought that I've seen this before. (By the way, I see A LOT of MG superhero submissions in my inbox). Telling me what lesson you hope your book will teach (this isn't Seventh Heaven, and MG readers don't want to read life lessons).

6.) What are you dying to see in your inbox?

A great historical novel that gives and alternative and relatable P.O.V. to the events and people in history text books. It can be focused on a certain event (ex: Number the Stars, Letters from Rifka) or simply set in another time (ex: Beth Hilgartner's A Murder for Her Majesty).

An awesome magical realism or contemporary fantasy adventure; something that weaves the surreal into the character's everyday life. Something like A Bridge to Terabithia or Over Sea, Under Stone, both of which still pop into my mind 15 years after reading them for the first time.

A contemporary novel with a hilarious heroine that's not just poking fun of herself or mocking others and story with the depth and poignancy I've come to crave in contemporary fiction I loved Phyllis Reynolds Naylor's Alice series when I was a kid because of how honest and funny Alice McKinley was, and I positively adored Linda Urban's A Perfect Kind of Crooked (which I finally got around to reading.

And now for some fun questions. Since I know you love Harry Potter and I'm a huge fan as well, let's hop on the Hogwarts Express.

1.) What Hogwarts house would you be in?

Ravenclaw! Luna and I would totally be besties.

2.) If you could have any mythological pet from the series what would it be?

A phoenix. I've always found them fascinating. Plus I'm always cold, they could be my personal, little heater.

3.) What position would you play on the Quidditch Pitch?

Err, I'd love to say seeker, but really I have always had the worst hand-eye coordination and get easily distracted, so I probably wouldn't make it on the team. So I guess I'd be the Hermione like character, sitting in the stands looking for options to use my awesome handling of magic to catch the bad guys and help my team.

4.) What would be your best subject at Hogwarts?

Probably charms or transfiguration… I'd love to learn to take the things I imagine being able to do and make it real with a swish and flick of my wand. Either way, it definitely would not be potions; science and I so do not mix.

5.) And if you could make up a spell to do anything, what would it be?

A spell to slow down time so I can get more sleep… and read more books.

A BIG thank you to Whitley for stopping by the blog! 
 

Whitley is now open to queries.
 

She is primarily interested in Young Adult, Middle Grade, and select Upmarket Women's fiction. She likes characters who are relatable yet flawed, hooks that offer new points of view and exciting adventures, vibrant settings that become active characters in their own right, and a story that sticks with the reader long after turning the last page, be it contemporary or historical, realistic or supernatural, tragic or quirky.

She loves mythology and literary re-imaginings, heartbreaking contemporary novels, historical suspense, and craving cute romantic comedies for YA through adult (ex: Sophie Kinsella, Lauren Morrill, Stephanie Perkins).

She is not interested in vampires, werewolves, angels, zombies, dystopian societies, steampunk, or epic fantasy. Please no paranormal / fantasy for adults.

To query Whitley visit the Inklings Literary Agency website. Make sure you follow the submission guidelines!

Everyone’s path is different. Stop comparing.

I’ve been on this “trying to be published” trail for a while now. I started writing seriously in 2009, went to my first conference in 2011 and since The Writer’s Voice in 2012, I’ve been closely following many writer’s journeys, all the while hoping I wasn’t too far behind the ones that “made it.”

I’ve seen writers go from stuck in the query trenches, to agented, to amazing book deal in a matter of weeks. 

I’ve also seen authors sign with an agent, followed by months of silence. Sometimes those authors keep fighting alongside their agents for years, some end up with book deals out of it. Some don’t.

I’ve seen an author go from big name agent to self-publishing on her own (to amazon best seller lists and eventually a big deal for one of her titles)

And of course, there are writers like me that come out with a book deal without an agent.

If there is one thing I’ve learned during this whole process, it’s that some paths are harder, some take longer, some make you feel more affirmed, but how you find your way doesn’t matter. It never has.

Are some writer’s careers better than others? Sure. But that doesn’t mean the “others” don’t have amazing careers, or didn’t get what they were hoping for all along. And it definitely doesn’t mean they chose the wrong path.

Not all successful writers start out with the traditional agent and big book deal. Some start out by self-publishing. Some by small press. Some sell three books before they find one that hits the market with a splash.

I’ve been agent hunting for years now, with three different novels. I still don’t have an agent. I know that my path isn’t overly traditional, but that’s okay. I’m still fighting for that agent, but I’m sincerely happy with the publisher I found on my own. I know that if I never sign with an agent, I can still have an incredible career.

If you’ve been struggling in those trenches for what feels like forever, keep your head up. The ones who have the strength to keep fighting will make it out one way or another.

 It’s okay if you never find an agent. 

It’s okay if you do but your book doesn’t sell. 

It’s okay if you spend years and years trudging through while others find their way before you. You WILL get there.

It’s okay no matter what happens because there are no dead ends. There is always a new path to choose. Be brave enough to take it.