Writers, Don't Be Jerks

We’ve all been at that SCBWI workshop where are the crazy lady who looks like she hasn’t bathed
since CHARLOTTE’S WEB was written, is rambling on about how George Soros and the Vatican
are plotting to make all the bees go extinct.

Unfortunately, I’m not making that up, and she was sitting right next to me.

I was annoyed she took up so much instruction time, but given last week on #writingtwitter, I’m
reminded of a deeper annoyance: 

Not all writers are crazy. 

Um, make that… Not all writers are certifiably insane, talking-to-walls-and-seeing-Elvis-at-
truckstops, crazy. 

Last Friday was a full moon, and #writersdontbejerks became a hashtag on Twitter. I made it. It’s a
thing.  

Nobody should have to say this! 

And don’t be crazy, and don’t insult agents online. And don’t use the #MSWL hashtag of all things,
no matter how hilariously Godawful your magniloquent rant is (he calls agents “magpies”) repeatedly. 

Don’t be creepy, either. Ha ha ha, did you hear the one about the writer who slid a manuscript
under the bathroom door at an SCBWI conference?*

EWW! You're supposed to WRITE the next Fatal Attraction, not act it out.

I’ve spoken to this agent. She’s empathetic, funny, super-sharp, someone you want in your corner.
Do you really think she’s going to rep you after you’ve creeped out all her friends by being a weirdo
stalker? 

What’s the problem? More agents for me? 

Agents know how to get through their slush pile, but they still don't deserve to be treated badly. What
these non-competitors are doing is discrediting us all. 

Seriously, how do you live in a country with FREE healthcare and let yourself get like this?

Writing is a lofty goal, and publishing is a very opaque industry. Most people are kind, but a lot of the
business rules skew secret and counter-intuitive. And to the publishing process is very non-linear.

“Revise? If you’re actually talented, that first draft should be good enough. 
When are you getting published?”

“Oh no no no. That agent rejected your book. It isn’t good. You’re no good. Don’t query it any more
and stop writing books!”

I’ve given up trying to explain to civilians. 

Since declaring my intention to become an author, I’ve received… less than exuberant support from
family and friends. 

I’m never getting an MBA or an MIS; and instead I’m going to write kids books in my free time! Whee! 

When I didn’t stop writing as people had asked, the confrontations got more heated. The little digs
became bigger and nastier.  Work isn't supposed to make you happy, and I was delusional to think
otherwise.

It's not that I'm ungrateful for my experiences in Big Four management consulting and as a software
project manager. But I am very aware that this often high-stress job isn't my life's purpose.

And while Women In STEM!™can be a great feminist role model to girls... I'm pretty sure that only
works if these women are happy.

I'm only happy if writing is part of my daily routine. It's not that complicated.

But how badly non-writers perceived me truly didn’t register till after I got hit by the truck, and
mentioned to a doctor about writing books. His reaction: 

“WRITE? You think you’re that Harry Potter chick or something? Stop stuttering, re-learn Salesforce
and try to keep that JOB!”

Let's get real: "I was studying for the CPA exam!" (or whatever other professional goal that would
make a ten-year-old horribly depressed about their future adult life) would never have elicited
such venom.

What that doctor didn't realize was that in the immediate, peeing-glass-shards-and-struggling-to-
remember-how-to-spell-my-name aftermath of the accident… I missed an email from a Pitchwars
mentor interested in my manuscript. 

For the record, this is the same manuscript that’s gotten me a request for a full and a generous
scholarship to a Highlights Foundation workshop. The same writing skills that got me selected as
a Cybils Panelist. 

But, it didn’t matter then, and it doesn’t matter now. 

I’m fortunately no longer literally sitting next to Ms. Insect Conspiracy. But the Land of the Unpublished
and Unrepresented is vast, and she and I both occupy that zip code.  And to outsiders, we might
well be two peas in a pod. Even Ransom Riggs (way more my idol than J.K.) was an unpublished
nobody once upon a time. 

But writers giving screechy stump speeches in the coffee shop about aliens, and flipping out on
Twitter… realize you become the face of ALL writers. We're striving for what many people would
consider a dream job; we need to show we've got what it takes.

Clean up your act. Your passion will sustain your career as a writer, but you need
presentation to get yourself in the door.

Our eccentric little group looks only as good as our weirdest member.