Don't Let Fear Ride Shotgun

Over the past month or so, I’ve stumbled across several things rather serendipitously. Things I didn’t know I needed until they were right there in front of me. One of these was the audio version of Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic. I’d read the hardback when it first came out, but for whatever reason, I decided it was time for a re-read.

Early in the book, Ms Gilbert shares a long list of fears that can hold us back creatively—you might be afraid you’ll be rejected, afraid there’s no market for your work, afraid your work isn’t important enough to matter, afraid it’ll all be a giant waste of time and effort, afraid of being a one-hit wonder, afraid of being a no-hit wonder, etc., etc. 

Another thing I came across was Nina LaCour’s Keeping a Notebook podcast—in particular, the episode called “Pressure” (May 20, 2019). In that episode, Ms LaCour speaks of the tremendous pressures that can interfere with our writing – pressure to finish a novel, pressure to write a compelling enough or commercial enough story to get an agent or a book deal, pressure to please a publishing team or readership, pressure to make a sustainable living from writing. These pressures struck me as being very close relatives of fear.

Now, I’ve never thought of myself as a particularly fearful person, but I was stunned at how many of these fears and pressures resonated with me. As I spent time in some end-of-the-year reflection, I recognized that for me, most (all?) of the things that get in the way of a joyful and productive writing life – including my all-time favorites, self-doubt and procrastination – come down to fear. 

This could be depressing—so many fears and pressures seem to come with creative living, like some sort of cruel package-deal. But hallelujah, all is not lost. In Big Magic, the long list of fears is followed up with a fantastic road-trip metaphor – basically, when you begin a new project, it’s like you and Creativity and Fear are going on a road trip. Fear’s going to come along, because hey, it always does, but it has to sit in the back, and only you and Creativity get to make decisions. Fear might get a voice, but it doesn’t get a vote, and it absolutely never gets to drive.

I'm not one to make New Year's resolutions, but last week I found myself journaling about intentions. (Intentions sound kinda like resolutions in disguise, so go figure...I guess I made a resolution, lol). I’m in the early stages of a new project. It’s scary. As always, I have doubts that my unorthodox writing process will work, and yes, I sense the pressure to meet expectations (my own and others’). But I'm excited, too, eager for the discoveries to come--maybe even accompanied by the occasional moment of magic. So my intention is to trust -- trust myself and trust my process, and simply show up day after day, telling the story that's calling to me. 

I’m going to keep that road-trip image in mind for this journey. No doubt, Fear is coming along for the ride, and that's okay. Trusting myself doesn't mean I'm not afraid. Being brave is about being scared and doing the hard thing anyway. (But I swear, if Fear doesn't keep quiet in the back seat, I may have to find a way to toss it in the trunk for a few miles!) I think it’s going to be a great trip. :-)

What gets in the way of writing or creative living for you? What helps you be productive and enjoy the journey in spite of the challenges?