Empty Phrases

Often when we write a query, we want to be clever. We want to be mysterious. We want to entice the reader with things that keep them guessing. And these are all great things to strive for. However, sometimes in a query we write a phrase that sounds great to us, but it leaves the reader confused and with little information. For instance, what does mostly dead mean anyways?

These phrases that are vague and confusing are called empty phrases. Because they are exactly that—empty, devoid of important information that would help the reader become interested in your story. And there are many reasons to avoid empty phrases.

They Waste Space

When you write a query letter you only have a couple paragraphs to clearly explain your story. When you use an empty phrase it tells the reader nothing. Even worse, you could have spent that valuable query letter real estate actually explaining what changed, the big secret, the difficult obstacle, or what was bad enough. Explain your story.

It’s Telling not Showing

Empty phrases tell the reader how they are supposed to feel and react rather than giving them an example of what happens and letting those feelings happen organically. Instead of making a point clear, they just leave the reader wondering and confused about the specifics.

They Don’t Have Details 

When you write empty phrases you often think you are being a little mysterious about the plot, and are therefore exciting or enticing the reader. The problem is you are doing the opposite. Empty phrases are vague and tend to turn off the reader. You are better off using specific details to set your story apart from everyone else. If your story doesn’t sound unique, a reader is going to give up.

They’re cliché

Empty phrases tend to be commonplace and overused statements. They aren’t overly creative. And why would you want your story to sound like everyone else’s? Make your story stand out.

So how do you get rid of empty phrases in your story? 

 

Okay not really. Sure empty phrases are hugely disappointing for a reader, but don’t lose hope. There are many ways to eliminate them. You start by going back to the details and focusing on what sets your story apart. You show the reader instead of telling.

Here are some examples of empty phrases, and what you might do to replace them with better story related information.

He soon learns: Rather than waste space, just show the reader what happens. What the character “learns” should come through in the story, not be forced down the readers throat. Stick to what actually happens and what “he learns” will become apparent on its own.

With nothing holding her back: If there’s nothing holding her back, where’s the story? Show the conflict and the problem the character is facing. Let the reader see the dilemma. Then you’ll have something that will entice readers.

However, fate has other plans: Well that’s great for fate, but what happened to the character? Tell the reader the details and leave fate out of it!

As if that wasn’t bad enough: If you’ve done your job right in a query letter, you won’t need to say this at all. It will be obvious the situation is bad. And as you continue to walk the reader through the conflict, you will show how things are about to get worse.

Life is turned upside down: Literally? Well that’s sort of crazy… Okay, I’m sure you don’t mean literally, but what happened to the main character? What horrible thing made life so unbearable? Give the reader details, then you’ll have something compelling.

Encountering multiple obstacles: Well, every main character encounters obstacles, but what specifically does your character have to deal with? Someone literally blocking your path is very different than dealing with death, or the fact that you have detention and you can’t go to that awesome concert. Those are all very different stories. So think about what specific thing is standing in the way of what your character wants and then use that detail to show the reader the problem.

A horrible secret: We all have secrets. But the drama and tension begins when we know someone else is hiding something from us. And while we may not know what the secret is exactly, we all have ideas on what those secrets might pertain to. So when you go into the details, the secrets start carrying weight. Only then are they truly interesting.

And then everything changed: Really? Stuff changes all the time. The leaves change colors, the weather changes, we change clothes, we change jobs, classes, you name it. What changed for your main character? Just say it, don’t waste the reader’s time saying everything changed because it’s probably unlikely that everything is different. Some things will always stay the same.

 

Yes, yes, you do! So when you write a query, show that you are smart. Show the details of your story. Show what sets it apart. And use that valuable space to make that query shine with specific, interesting details! What empty phrases have you or others used, and how did you get rid of them?

"How I Got My Agent" stories.

I read every HIGMA story I come across and I live vicariously through those writers. I try to imagine what it will be like when I will get "The Call." And what I've learned is summed up in this short post.

1.) Persistence pays off.
     - Most stories of writers signing with an agent detail a long path, with the writer continually improving craft. Many times, it is years before a writer signs with an agent.

So, Keep working on craft and DO NOT GIVE UP!

2.) Every path to an agent is different.
     - Some writers and agents connect through conferences and workshops while many others simply query and stand out in slush. You don't know how the circumstances of your agent search process will play out.

So, as I've often read, "Cast a wide net."

3.) The writer has spent many hours revising (both query and manuscript) and researching agents to find a potential fit. (Again, improving craft is key.)

So, get help from critique partners for both your query and manuscript before the query stage.

4.) Signing with the agent is another beginning.
     - I think the pre-agent phase of a writer's life is similar to running on a treadmill. You are working your tail off and making progress, but not really going anywhere.

     - After you sign with your agent, you're on the road. All your treadmill time has paid off and now you can really go somewhere. But be ready to hurdle a few obstacles and dodge a few potholes, because you're in new territory now and from what I've read, the race gets faster!


So, be ready for obstacles, and continue chasing your dream agent!

Photo of my niece and son at a local park.-R. Polk

Danielle Smith of Foreword Literary gets Middle Grade Minded!

You've all heard of the her, folks.

She's part of the mega-awesome agency known as Foreword Literary. You can find her on Twitter, firing off tweets with the speed of a spur-wearing gunslinger. She's got a web presence that even John Green envies.

That's right--I'm talking about the book-loving, deal-making super-agent...

Danielle Smith!

Danielle was gracious enough to spend some time answering the most pressing MG questions we could fire at her. And she pretty much nailed it. Check out her amazing insights to the MG writing, agenting, and publishing world!

What do you look for in a MG Submission?

Emotions. That may seem like a very broad statement, but think back to your own middle grade years and I imagine you'll remember it was nothing if not an emotional roller coaster.

Initially, before I even read the manuscript I want the query to show some personality. This may be something specific to my own experience, but I've found that middle grade writers tend to exude a certain personality (that I love) that is very different from almost any genre. Either they're more considerate by personalizing the query carefully to me or it's simply a matter of having me in stitches before I'm finished with the query.

Within the manuscript I want to cry, laugh and feel so connected to the main character that I'd hug or high five them if I saw them in real life (of course not in front of all their friends though, perish the thought).
All of that said, I'm not asking for trained circus monkeys as clients and if the writing is good it will speak for itself.

What things do you think define Middle Grade and set it apart from the other age groups?

So much. More than any other time of life, that period from about 8 to 13 years old is a time when so many things change for the very first time in a child's life. Not to mention how often a huge wrench gets thrown into the mix, things like sickness, divorce of parents, friends moving or changing, etc. It's truly one of the very first times in a persons life when they actively recognize and move toward defining themselves.

All of this is why middle grade stands apart from other genres and age groups. Of course some of these things happen later or earlier in life, but this is truly a pivotal time in a persons experience and a time I love to relive through each character I encounter.

We frequently hear that MG voice is difficult to get right. Why do you think it's so tough? And what can a writer do to help nail down their MG voice?

An MG voice has to feel authentic. There is no faking the feeling of emptiness and despair that comes with having a parent pack up and move out in the middle the school year, especially when your best friend has abandoned you for the "cool kids" for the first time. It has to feel honest and true. This, more than any other genre in my opinion, cannot be faked.

My biggest and best suggestion beyond telling you to keep writing is to keep reading. Go to your local bookstore, pull off a dozen of the best middle grade books out there right now (think of authors like Anne Ursu, Adam Gidwitz, Holly Goldberg Sloan, Christopher Healy, etc.) and then read the first one to two pages of each. Hear the varying voices as you read. If you can, read them outloud or listen to someone read them to you. I promise, you will see very clearly how distinct those voices are and how it may help you with your own writing. I've always believed that one of the best ways to improve your writing is to read.

What are the most common mistakes you see in a MG submission?

I'd say there are a few basic things that any good researcher would likely already know. Things like excessive word counts stated in the query (ie. 120k for an MG is WAY too long), not addressing your query to the appropriate agent or simply not researching what it is I like. I get a number of queries also that are too long and detailed. I'm a fan of succinct queries, two or three paragraphs to get me hooked and tell me a little about you & your book is all I need.

In terms of the manuscripts I see in MG, my biggest concerns are with voice and point of view. These can often go hand in hand. Explore varying POVs if you think it might improve your voice. Also, a lacking supporting cast is another common problem I run into. Don't only focus on your main character, but be sure the friends and family in the background are also well developed. Great examples of this are books like THE FOURTH STALL by Chris Rhylander and PICKLE by Kim Baker, which are both favorites of mine.

What are you dying to see in your inbox?

At the very top of my list is a manuscript with magical realism. I am a big fan of the adult fiction author Sarah Addison Allen and the middle grade author, Laurel Snyder. I would love to see something in middle grade along those lines.

I'd really love a middle grade novel with a hilarious heroine that's not making fun of herself or others, often it's the boys that are the funny ones and I know that's not always the case in real life.

I'm also on the hunt for more great chapter books like IVY & BEAN by Annie Barrows and THE YEAR OF BILLY MILLER by Kevin Henkes. Basically anything that makes me feel all the emotions, I want to feel connected to the characters and disconnected from the world around me. Send me a book that I get completely lost in and I'll be over the moon.

***

Danielle Smith represents picture books and middle grade authors and illustrators. To check out her current wish list and submission requirements, visit the Foreword Literary website.

Guest Post - How I Got My Agent by Megan Blakemore

Writers are often asked about the road to publication. The truth of the matter is that there is not one road. I wish I could give you a checklist and say, “Do these things, and you will end up with a book contract.” Unfortunately, that’s just not the way things work. That said, I think it can be helpful to hear how others tackled the process, and so I’m happy to share my story of how I wound up with my agent, Sara Crowe of Harvey Klinger Inc.

Secrets of Truth & Beauty was actually the third novel I sent of seeking representation. The first two novels were for adults, while Secrets was my first YA. I worked that novel into the best shape I possibly could. This is step one: make sure your manuscript is in the best shape possible.

Next I worked on my query letter. Summarizing a novel in about a paragraph is daunting. I mean, you spent tens of thousands of words to tell your story, and now you’re supposed to distill it to five to seven sentences? But if you don’t have a strong query letter, your manuscript won’t be read. Sara wrote a post several years ago about queries that worked for her and included mine along with those by Holly Nicole Hoxter and Varian Johnson.

So, I had a manuscript and a query letter. Now came step three, researching agents. I used Query Tracker to help me find agents who specialized in YA or children’s. This was 2007, so there weren’t quite as many back then. I also tried to find out who represented some of my favorite authors or writers of books who were similar -- but not too similar -- to mine. One of the easiest ways to do this was to call the book up on Amazon, and then do a search inside for “agent” as many of the authors thanked their agents in the acknowledgements. Now that most authors and agents have websites, you can probably find this information with some simple web searching.

From my research, I made my list of agents. With the previous two books, I created a list and then sent the query to each of them according to their specific guidelines. This time I decided I’d try a new approach. I chose five agents to start, and sent them the query. If I got a rejection, I would send out another query. That way I’d be able to gauge if my query was working or if I needed to change something.

Meanwhile, I was getting ready for my wedding. This proved to be a fortuitous coincidence. I was so busy with things like gift bags and seating arrangements that I wasn’t sitting at my computer pushing refresh, refresh, refresh. If there is anything you can do to occupy your time during the agent search, do it!

The week before the wedding, Sara emailed me and asked to talk. We had a phone conversation on Thursday. Her enthusiasm for my work was obvious. We also just clicked on the phone. Plus, since I had done my research, I knew she knew what she was doing. She offered representation and I accepted. I’ve heard since that I should have let the other agents who had the manuscript know that I had an offer. There are two reasons for this: one, if they haven’t had a chance to read your manuscript, this might push it to the top of their list, and then you might be in the position to choose between agents. However, I knew that Sara was the right agent for me. You also don’t want to waste anyone’s time. If another agent is reading your manuscript and you’ve already decided to go with someone else, you aren’t only wasting the agent’s time, but also taking time away from other writers who have submitted. I let the other agents know the following week, and they were all excited for me.

So there you have it. Sara has been my agent since the beginning, through thick and thin. She has since sold my two middle grade novels: The Water Castle and the upcoming The Spy Catchers of Maple Hill, both to Walker/Bloomsbury.

Finding an agent might seem like an impossible task. The truth is you don’t need secret passwords or magic keys. You just need three things: a polished manuscript, a strong query letter, and a plan. There are no guarantees, of course, but these provide the necessary foundation. Good luck with your search!

Outlining for Dummies. And when I say dummies, I mean me.

Okay, a show of hands of who participated in NaNoWriMo this year.

Good. Now a show of hands of who actually won NaNoWriMo this year?

If you're like so many others and started out with these grandiose plans of knocking out a 50,000 word novel in a month, but fell a little short (or halfway short... or didn't get past the title) don't worry. That's nothing to be ashamed of.

It happens to every writer.

Sometimes getting over a hurdle in your story is as easy as leaving it alone for a few days to play Assassin's Creed 4. Sometimes, though, the problem is that the story hasn't been thought about enough. Now, I'm not a huge outliner. I never have been. I know some writers who don't outline at all. They sit down and churn out a manuscript just off the top of their heads and it's awesome and bright and shiny and they don't have to change a thing because they're actually deities when it comes to writing and I'M SO PROUD OF THEM.

But I'm not one of those writers. So I have to outline a little bit. Which is what my post is about today. It's something I've written about on my own website, but I figured with NaNoWriMo having just ended and writers all over the world getting ready to start revising their manuscripts, this would be the perfect time to throw my version of an outline out into the world.

By the way, that was a long sentence. Thanks for sticking with me through that.

So here's my outlining process. It's a mish-mash of a bunch of other story structure formats that I've used in the past. Over the years, this has ended up as my personal favorite. Today I'll call it...

The Outline for Dummies. 

Mainly Me.

Hook- This isn't part of your story. This is just where you tell yourself the one-sentence plot. You'll understand why in a second.

Life as we know it- Imagine we're watching the movie version of your book. Where's this taking place? Who's the main character and why do we fall in love with him or her right off the bat. What makes the MC relatable? Why do we care about this particular person (or non-person)? During this piece of the story, we need to find out what the MC desperately 1) wants and 2) needs.

The big chance (around 10%)- Something happens to make the MC believe that he or she has found the solution to the problem. This is generally the solution the MC believes will fill the WANT, not the NEED.

Life as it is now- So now the MC's going down this different path. And there are moments where it seems to be working. The distance between the MC and the thing he or she wanted is slowly closing. This time, however, is no stranger to conflict. In fact, the closer the MC gets to that solution, the more problems it creates. So he or she decides:

Let's try this again (around 25%)- He or she decides to go a different route to get to that goal. It may include making new friends, organizing a team, learning from a mentor. Whatever it is, we'll see the MC doing some studying and training here that begins to help him or her realize the NEED. As the MC continues down this path, learning as he or she goes, we see him or her get hit with the second major roadblock where he or she is forced to ask:

Which life do I choose? (around 50%)- The MC is faced with a decision. He or she can turn back and continue on that journey that may or may not lead to getting what he or she WANTS. Or the MC can fully commit and dive into the lion's den and do what NEEDS to be done. Generally, by this point, the MC has begun to realize his or her need trumps the want or that they are actually one in the same. So now the MC lunges forward, using his or her training to continue down the path of awesomeness. This is where we'll see some pretty major conflict (external and internal) that eventually leads to the moment I like to call:

Up the creek (around 75%)- I was going to add without a paddle, but I figured you'd get the idea. This is the big "downer" moment in the story. It's when everything looks like it's all going to crap and there's no way out. A secret may get leaked, a nasty truth may be revealed, a comrade might be mortally wounded. Whatever it is, we need to see the MC down in the dumps here. Because at this point, we're rooting so hard for him or her, it's as if our cheers bring the poor little (or big) thing back up, out of the mud, onto two feet, and ready to continue on. This is the part in the movie where the music swells, weapons are drawn, wounds are patched up, because ladies and gentlemen:

It's on! (around 90%)- Our MC is back and ready to rock. New life's been breathed into his or her lungs, dragons have been slayed, robots dismantled, and the big boss is right there, ready to take the beating the MC's willing to dish out. And boy, does our MC dish like a pro.

Back to normal (ish)- Ahh--the war is over, the competition is finished, the argument has been... argued. Our MC has done the seemingly impossible and become a better person because of it. And you know what? The MC got what he or she needed. Maybe not necessarily what was wanted, but who said life is fair, right? Normal isn't the same for our MC because he or she has changed in some way (hopefully for the better). But lessons have been learned, new friends have been made, and the universe has been saved. Good times... good times.

And that's it! 

Yeah, I know it's not as easy as just sitting down and busting out 50k in an hour like those freaks of writing natures we are jealous of totally admire. But it works for me and it actually serves another purpose. That line you came up for your hook can be used as an attention-grabbing agent magnet in your query. And, even better, when it's time to write the dreaded synopsis, you can simply take the info you wrote for your outline, get rid of the plot point headings, and BAM! Your synopsis is finished. 

Now if you're one of the lucky individuals who finished NaNoWriMo and you're looking at your manuscript, wondering why none of it makes sense, try applying this formula to it (and I hate to say formula, because that implies that there is a formula to good writing) and see if you feel something needs to change. Revisions are a necessity and using your outline can help guide you through that process as well. 

And now that you're armed with an outline and the knowledge on how to use it, you can start preparing for next year's NaNoWriMo!

Or not.

Happy writing!

Welcome to Query Letter Hell (for middle grade, and BEYOND)

So let's talk a little bit about Query Letters -

Alright, alright! Chill out! This has to be done!

Before we get started, I'm going to give you a little bit of a warning.

I am by no means a "go-to" person for Query Letter advice. I for one despise query letters. They are torturous, foul beasts that need to be sent back to the confines of hell where they belong. Just the idea of summarizing your novel into a few measly paragraphs makes the average writer want to rip off their hands and fling them into the fiery pits of Mount Doom.

Another thing is, there are so many different opinions, suggestions, tutorials, guides etc on how to write a Query Letter scattered across the internet and various books that this is just my humble interpretation. Take it with a grain of salt. I'm just trying to help based on my own experiences dealing with query letters for the last year or so.

Unfortunately, they are what separates you from snagging that gold star agent that you have been drooling over for the last year or so.

With that said, let us continue. I'll separate this into a few Q&A's to make it easier to follow.

Well, you BETTER LISTEN!

What is a Query Letter? 

Simple question, right? Unfortunately, it's not an easy answer. To sum it up, a query letter is a short (typically one page) pitch sent to agents with the hope of peeking their interest enough that they request pages to read based off your manuscript. You need to be creative, yet professional. All in all, you need to show agents that this is the book they have been waiting for their entire lives!

What is a Query Letter Format?

It generally follows this format (although it differs depending on personal preference). So don't go too crazy over formatting. 

The Greeting : (Dear Awesome Agent,)

The Reason you are writing : (some people don't do this. But it adds a personal touch which agents seem to appreciate) I am writing to you today seeking representation for my kick-arse manuscript. I feel that you may be interested since A) you represent these books in my category B) you are looking for a book of this type based on your website / twitter / etc. C) an interview I read says you are seeking this type of book.

The Hook : This is your chance to reel in that agent. Usually this includes a one sentence tag line bringing us right into the thick of your story. You should be introducing your MC in this paragraph as well as giving as a strong idea as to what awesome plot line he is up against. Should be short an sweet. But it all depends on taste.

The well crafted "synopsis" : Summarize your book, but make it enticing. Don't summarize each chapter, because that's not what a query is. Give us the juicy details, but leave us hanging for the outcome. Make us want to know what is going to happen to your main character if he doesn't "Save the day". Back flaps of a novel are a great way to get an idea of what should be in this paragraph.

The Bio : Depends on you. If you have a bio with some great credentials to back your book, go ahead and throw it in there!

The Closing : If you haven't already given your word count, title, and category. Now's the time. Thank them for taking the time to read it, and sign off. 

That's it. Easy, right?

Yeah, you're right. Nobody likes queries :( Unless you're talking about me....*glares*

When should you write your query?

Now this is entirely up to you. I'm the type of person that starts writing a draft of a query as soon as I have an idea for a book. For some reason it forces me to summarize my book quickly, discover my main characters stakes and objectives, as well as a generalized story. To me, it's like a "pre-synopsis" of my book. But it shouldn't sound like a synopsis (more on that later)

Others write it after they've finished their manuscript, and it's gone through its 8,363 revisions, been read and re-read by CP's, and you've finally decided it's ready to be pitched. Most people go this route, as they don't even want to focus on a query letter until the last possible moment.

TAKE THAT, QUERY LETTER!

When to Query?

There's a little known disease out there called PQS - premature query syndrome. Some people suffer from it, and it's evil. I first heard about it on the absolute writer water cooler forums, and I realized I had it. I sent out my first query letter for Copernicus right when I finished my last bunch of edits and had the go ahead from a few CP's. I thought it was ready....but it wasn't.

Got some responses, but ended up losing out because my MS still wasn't 100%. You NEED to make sure you hold off on sending any queries until you are so sick of editing your MS that you'd rather stab yourself in the eyes with a pen. Hold off until you are ABSOLUTELY SURE. And once you are absolutely sure, WAIT SOME MORE. Put it in a drawer for a month or two. Then come back and look at it. 

TRUST ME - WAIT.

Final Advice

The biggest advice I can give is to subject your query letter to as many critiques as possible. Get a slew of feedback, and apply it as you see fit. Not every piece of feedback will work, but ultimately your goal is to make your query letter sound as awesome as possible, while still maintaining your voice. Don't make it Frankenstein. Just make it effective.

Re-write it a dozen times. Then re-write it another dozen. It's worth it in the end.

The "DO NOTS" of Query Letter Writing :

• DO NOT get the agent's name wrong
• DO NOT forget to provide all your contact information
• DO NOT forget to include the title, word count, and genre of your book
• DO NOT forget to personalize each query letter (subjective..not everyone does it)
• DO NOT forget to check your query letter for spelling and grammatical errors
• (repeat above)
• (repeat above again)
• DO NOT send the query letter to the WRONG agent
• DO NOT send query letters to agents NOT representing your category
• DO NOT forget to read agent's guidelines for querying. Each agent is different.
• DO NOT forget to show past publication credentials (especially if they're good!) - great to put in bio if requested
• DO NOT forget to include pages if asked for in guidelines
• DO NOT send your query letter without having other people read it first
• DO NOT give up

Well, there you have it. My little blog post about querying. And just to make things a little bit crazy, here is my far from perfect query letter that helped me snag my uber-awesome agent.

Dear Ms. Dawn Frederick,

I am writing you today seeking representation of my 54,000 word middle-grade adventure novel, COPERNICUS NERDICUS. You had mentioned in your twitter feed under #MSWL that you are seeking a "middle-grade not-overly-sci-fi adventure with robots", and my novel taps into both. It targets readers who are gamers at heart by bringing to life video game elements while combining the hilarious adventures of Michael Buckley's NERDS series, with the robotic action packed pages of J.V. Kade's BOT WARS.

Thirteen-year-old gamer, Copernicus ‘Nic’ Wilhelm, has one chance to win fifty thousand dollars and prevent his dad from losing his laboratory to the devious inventor, Geoffrey Zorn--The Digital Zone video game tournament. But when Geoffrey Zorn unveils a new virtual gaming console called EVO to be used in the finals, Nic only has a week to master a futuristic robotic fighting game.

Easy enough for Nic, that is, until the game fights back. 

When EVO transforms into a short-circuiting attack robot, the term video game realism takes on a completely new meaning. With the help of his friends, Nic re-programs the rampaging robot, but that wasn’t the only problem. EVO was also installed with a brainwashing microchip by the vile criminal organization, C.O.R.E (Coalition of Rogue Engineers) in order to kidnap tournament contestants, including Nic's best friend, and transform them into pilots for an army of kid-controlled robots straight out of the game.

With the police now controlled by C.O.R.E too, Nic and his friends must pummel their way through C.O.R.E troops using everything from stink bombs to slime cannons in order to rescue the contestants and discover proof of Zorn’s involvement in the mind control plot. Meanwhile, a fleet of robotic drones is preparing to invade Nic’s hometown of Twin Valley, and ultimately the world. Nic is in a race against time to put a stop to C.O.R.E and ensure the tournament goes on, before his gamer guile and new robot’s battery, runs out.

Regardless of your decision, I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to consider my work. 

That's it - see? not even close to being perfect. Heck, I still despise it to this day.

Hope you guys aren't still freaking out about query letters now. And feel free to ask any questions you may have about em. So, everyone okay with query letters now? Not so bad, right?

Guess not....