Reflecting and Rediscovering Your Reasons

I had a busy summer this year. 

Back in March I had an idea for a new manuscript. It was one of those moments several writers have experienced, just walking around and living life when the brain goes off on one of its semi-frequent divergent meanderings and BAM!, you stumble on one of those golden “What if” questions that sets off an avalanche of possibilities. Before long, you start to realize that, yes, there is a legitimately viable story idea coming together. 

It was exciting to have something new come on so strong. I decided immediately I wanted to do it right. I was going to have tons of writing time available in the summer, so I gave the idea the rest of the spring to percolate. I filled the whiteboard in my office with comp titles coming from other books, movies, television shows, video games, and even podcasts. I began tapping idea fragments into a massive list on my phone. I sought out middle grade titles that felt similar to my idea in one way or another, to measure what the boundaries were for the story I was planning and figure out how I might be able to push them.

Once the work started, it came fast. I wrote chronologically with only a rough outline in my head, something I’ve never done before. When the draft was finished, I stepped away for a few weeks, giving my head some time to clear while waiting for feedback. When I got back to it, I powered through the revisions at a challenging pace with an approximate deadline in mind. There was a day or two of sweet relief when I finally reached that goal, but then I started feeling an itch….

I knew NaNoWrimo 2017 would be starting in less than a week. I've been a semi-regular participant over time, but have sat out the past two years due to other writing projects and different commitments. I thought about giving it a try this year, and came up with a number of reasons why it seemed like a good idea: I’ve always enjoyed participating; it would be an amazing feather in my cap if I could lay claim to drafting two complete manuscripts inside of the same calendar year; I had been hit with another idea — not exactly a new idea but one from the vault I wanted to try someday, and the time was feeling right. Since I thought it could be at least a few weeks until I was in a position to do any other revisions on the new manuscript, I decided to sign up.

The thing was, as much as I love this new idea, there is little reason for me to think it will ever see the light of day. I’m a writer of middle grade fiction. This new project would be a memoir, based around one particular area of my life, and not really directed at a middle grade audience. I have no nonfiction platform in this area, so as far as publishing aspirations go, it seems like it’d be a tremendous long shot. Really the only reason I would have for taking on this project is because I want to write it so much.

I felt just as passionate about my middle grade story earlier in the year when I was working on it. The big difference is I wrote that knowing it had a decent chance of eventually being ready for submission, and hopefully would get as far as publication someday. This new one might end up only being something for me and, hopefully, friends and family to enjoy.

It has me thinking:
*Why do we write?
*Is it for the love of it? 
*Do we let goals dictate or influence which projects we commit to?
*Would we still throw ourselves into the work as completely, even if we knew nobody else would ever read it?
*What benefits are there for jumping outside of the box and exploring new areas, just for the sake of exploring?

Not everyone would have the same answers to these questions. Maybe it’s not such a bad thing to occasionally consider the reasons we have for choosing this life. It might reveal something about our choices, or it could provide us with a renewed focus. 

All I know is that right now, with literally hours until NaNoWriMo begins, I’m looking forward to whatever self-discovery comes along with this new project, both personally and from the perspective of pure writing. I think it’s going to be a good month. 

To anyone else out there about to take on NaNo this year, or just entering a new stage of a current work-in-progress, I’d encourage you to reflect on it. You might discover some interesting things.

Self Discovery

I don't know about anyone else, but I learn something about myself every time I write a new manuscript. I'm not just talking about the skills and how much my writing has improved, but about the discovery deep in my core, those things I learn about who I am as a person.

Rewind to the first manuscript I ever wrote. That manuscript was me. Just about everything in it related back to me in some way. The main character was me in just about every sense. She looked like me, acted like me, and even had family members like mine. They always say write what you know and oh I did. That said, I never finished that manuscript. And while I learned a lot of what not to do when writing, I didn't learn much about myself, except that I had ideas and I wanted to play with story structure and characters.

But the further I got into writing, the more and more I learned. By the time I started my second manuscript I had ideas... lots of them. They were taking over at every turn. But somewhere in the middle, despite having a clear path for my story the doubt crept in. Was I any good? Was I wasting my time? Maybe I should just quit. So I sought out feedback and validation. And the comments weren't all fantastic, in fact many weren't great but in the feedback I also found encouragement and that people liked my ideas. And with that tiny bit of support, I finished my manuscript. And for the first time, I realized I could do something I never thought I could. Write a book.

By the time I got to manuscript three it wasn't a question of if I could finish but when and how good I could make it with all my new found knowledge and confidence. But the discovery within that manuscript was something unexpected. Despite my best efforts to branch out to something new, a comment by a critique partner led me right back to myself. She noted that a particular character was having an emotional response that didn't seem to match the rest of the story. And in that moment I realized I'd baked my entire emotional range into that character and I hadn't even realized it. And in understanding that connection, I learned so much more about how I react to things and why those reactions are the way they are.

But the self discovery didn't end there. While querying manuscript three, I worked on a fourth. I struggled with it. The words came out choppy and many times didn't come at all. And when I finally beat the ending words out, I understood why I had struggled so much to write this story. The story itself was about self discovery, about understanding who you are and accepting it despite what others might think. And that very thing was what I had been struggling with in my own life. And once I finally owned everything about myself and became proud of it, the story and my struggle to write it made perfect sense.

Now as I revise my fourth manuscript, I've just barely begun my fifth. I'm not sure what journey this manuscript will take me on, but I'm excited to find out what new things I'll discover about myself while writing this new story. What adventure am I about to embark on? I'm not sure, but it's guaranteed to be something enlightening.

So after all this self discovery it got me wondering. Do other people have similar experiences when they write? What things have you learned about yourself in your writing? How has your writing changed you?